Fear a friend or foe?

Once we overcome our fear we can become our dreams…

 “You can’t get through life without it.”

 What is fear? Fear is something that keeps us human it keeps alive. Sometimes it gets hard to not let our fear control our life’s. To fear something can stop us from doing something we should.

In our head we can hear everything like a broken tape recorder screaming and yelling that we should overcome this fear. The thing is how do we overcome this, this little fear which hangs heavy on our shoulders? We can face it head on, we can strategize to get over it or we can hide from it. All of this is very easier said than done, people will also say get some help or either we are here to help you, you do not have to face it alone. But the thing is they will never be able to help you if they never went through the same thing. We scream for help in our own way, hoping and praying someone with the same fear will answer our prayers help me to stop scream. Then we can help each other, hold each other up and keeping each other from drowning.

We as humans have this urge this need to live. This need to survive. We cannot live our life without this need, this urge to survive. Once it is gone there is no need for us to live anymore. Why are we here then? Needless to say not fearing death and not having the urge to live is two very different things. For me I do not fear death I will accept it when it comes. But I am fighting to live, I am clinging on for dear life to that urge to keep on living. I take every day as it comes and every second is a struggle, but from what I can see it is one living and fighting for.

I sit here tonight where I finally admitted my true fear, a fear to trust people well enough to just open up to them. A new but close friend told me to just take a leap of faith, but still I am not sure if I have the true courage to do that. Yet I will take my first leap and say I have a fear of trusting and a fear of myself; another leap I took was starting to write it opens my mind and let me get a better grip on that urge to live.

Let me know what your fear(s) is/are.

Facade are you strong enough to hold my secrets

“We can hide things, but cannot forget them.”

We all have our special collection of masks. We build them up through our life time. Every day we need to decide which mask which, façade will we wear today. We need to decide this wisely because this mask will hide the pain, secrets and thought you don’t want people to see.
In our everyday life we will stand by our door planning on facing the world and its problems it will through at you, before you step over the threshold you need to decide on the mask that will endure the day. Which will keep the things you try to hide hidden.
Some of us try to hide and mask our pain we are feeling so that people do not have to worry about us. Others try to hide the love they are feeling for their crush, because they are scared of rejection. Some also mask their feelings towards people so that they don’t have to confront the problems which can arise. We as people also wear our masks to hide our insecurities, because we are scared of others being disappointed. Some also wear masks to hide from the world to run away and not to face their inner struggles.
Sometimes even families will wear a mask to hide their problems and insecurities.
With all these masks we are wearing we are avoiding confrontation. By avoiding confrontation what will happen is the mask will start to crack at some point but we will have to replace or let someone in and trust them.
So now the question is what will happen when we take off our mask? Or even when we let in someone behind our façade? Or when someone sees beyond your façade?

“Sometimes it’s not the people that change. It is the mask that fall off.”

That moment when we let someone in to see what we have been hiding is the make or break point of our trust. The reason why I say trust is because here is where we will both take our masks off and let them see us flaws and all, or where we are forced to build a reinforced and stronger mask. When we let someone in we trust them with our pain, our flaws, our secrets. Our true self. They will either accept us or not, but their will come a time when we will have to do this, we will have to let someone in to share in our lives.
But then there comes the time when people see through our mask they see what really goes on under there. Now you have one of two options either find a way to hide it better by using a more improved mask. Or you can let them in, the same will be accounted for as mentioned above this is the make it or break it for your trust.
In the end their will come a time where will have to let someone in. Even if it happens involuntary, we have to let someone in. We have to share or we will break not only our masks but ourselves.

Yin and yang; push and pull

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy to the shadows.”- Brené Brown

In the yin and yang there is good and bad. In good you find the bad and in the bad you find the good. In every human there is the push and pull between the good and the bad, everyone has their own personal yin and yang.  With this yin and yang they must find a way to create a balance. This balance can be anything from the storm raging inside and the happiness a person yearns for.
Finding peace inside your soul is not something which can be forced, this peace can only be achieved by acceptance. The acceptance of the demons and monsters lurking in the shadows of your life. Also the angels and the happiness which shines bright in the light, we so dearly cling to.

What happens if we don’t find this balance in our life? There is no simple answer for this question. What will happen is the part (the good or the bad) which has the most control will take over your body and will cause suffering and pain. If the balance is not reinforced the system might collapse and cause the destruction of the mind, the body and the soul. This is why there is good in the bad and bad in the good.

When the mind, body and soul have reached total destruction the human will become empty and that’s when the dangers become a problem. In all of the bad there is this little problem of mental illnesses, which can result in death.
For a simple example there is addiction and this addiction had to start somewhere. It has started as a way to escape the world and your problems. This have made a false believe in your mind that it make the sadness go away just for a while and restoring the lost balance. Then there was that little lie in the back of your mind “I can stop whenever I want, before it goes too far”.
In extreme cases people will start to experiment with death, to see till what extent they can push themselves. Seeing how deep the cut can go, how tight the rope can go or how many pills does it take to get a “good night’s rest”. This is what will happen when the balance in a person’s life is lost beyond the control of getting it back. This also happens when no one can see that someone has lost their way and needs help to get it back.
I for one have fallen for the blade and the powder of the pill. Every day is a struggle to keep my balance and to not let the push be stronger than the pull in my life and vice versa.

Everyone needs to find their balance in their life, to find the perfect balance between the push and pulls of life. Because in the yin and yang there is both bad and good. In good there is bad and in bad there is good. BUT in all of this there is life.

Life train on a rainy evening

"Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you need to keep moving."-Albert Einstein

LIfe is like a moving train, from the day you are born till the day you die.On this train ride of life you can choose whether or not you want to force this train to stop or not. To stop this train you must crash and burn because there is no coming back like everything is normal. The only thing one can do is to try and rebuild it from the ashes. 
On this train ride we decide who will be the passengers and when they are bound to leave the train. These passangers include anything and anyone, form your demons of the present and past, to the people we care and love for.
BUT like I said in the beginning to keep balance in your life you have to keep moving, you cannot stand still and expect that you will stay up right. The same is for the train ride story we have to keep moving forward to not cause  a train crash. Once you let the train ride stand still for to long it will cause an irrevudable dissaster.

But why all this mambo jumbo about life being a train ride? Well the reason  is because I have let my train stop in one place for to long.  I have lost a few people on the way and i have got the chance to mend some broken and forgetten relationships. I also got the chance to let someone on who i have never thought i could get close to so quickly. I have crashed and burned before it caused me a great deal of pain and also a very dear friend, he did not only save my life but in the process he has let go of his own. He was the main reason i got up and started to rebuild my life, but recently i have started to let my life train slow down and old ways have come to make a new and what once was new have become old. My beautiful scenery have turned into a all crimson scene. I have tried to make a new ways to stray from the old but it does not go away. The one friend who i have never thought i could be so close to so quickly. He could see my pain from the start, even though i wear my sunglasses to mask my eyes, because as the say the eyes of a person is a link to their soul. My friend has helped me to see a more clear path and has helped me to see a way through the crimson land.

Tonight my train of thought pulls away and who knows where it will stop. I sit in the dark of my appartment and look at the rain pouring down. But I sit here tonight with a glass of red wine staring trough the crimson to the moon above me and to the street lights below me. Here I sit tonight and I think to myself what does not kill us does not only make us stronger but it makes us fighters.