A letter

“Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it!”

A letter to my best friend

Sometimes I wonder if you know what you did to me the day you proved that you are in my life to stay. I told you, you crawled into my heart. Making yourself at home and knowing you are going to stay. You became my rock, my anchor when I felt like I was drifting away. You became my light in the dark when I could not see my way out. You were there always in my time of need.

The first time I knew you were in my life to stay, was when I was going through one of the toughest times in my life. I would literally sit and contemplate what I had left in a world where I had no one to turn to when I had nobody. But you, you saw my pain and you embraced my pain, my loneliness and you held me. You gave me a chance to cry, you gave me a chance to be vulnerable. That was the moment I knew I had made a true friend, one who I could trust, one who I could lean on.

You were the first one I told about what makes me special, about what happens to me during the night. You are the one who helped me through the unknown. You are the one I turn to when I need someone to talk to or just when I need a friend.

For a moment in time I was stuck in an infinite loop of torture, abuse and hell. You just came along and broke the loop, you helped me escape my horrors. When you helped me escape you were busy falling into your own horror show. You were starting to hit a low point in your life.

It was my time to be your rock, anchor and light. It was my time to help you escape your fears and your horrors. When times were at its bleakest I tried to show you the light as you did for me.

In the end this is only a letter to thank you. To thank you for balancing my life. Thank you for hugging me a little longer when I needed it. Thank you for saying words of comfort which brings tears to my eyes.

Sometimes we get busy, sometimes I am afraid to open up. But once I am around you I can be the me I am supposed to be.

You came into my life and you made yourself at home, now I will never be able to see what life can possibly be without you. You became my family.

Thank you.

I love you unconditionally.

Fear a friend or foe?

Once we overcome our fear we can become our dreams…

 “You can’t get through life without it.”

 What is fear? Fear is something that keeps us human it keeps alive. Sometimes it gets hard to not let our fear control our life’s. To fear something can stop us from doing something we should.

In our head we can hear everything like a broken tape recorder screaming and yelling that we should overcome this fear. The thing is how do we overcome this, this little fear which hangs heavy on our shoulders? We can face it head on, we can strategize to get over it or we can hide from it. All of this is very easier said than done, people will also say get some help or either we are here to help you, you do not have to face it alone. But the thing is they will never be able to help you if they never went through the same thing. We scream for help in our own way, hoping and praying someone with the same fear will answer our prayers help me to stop scream. Then we can help each other, hold each other up and keeping each other from drowning.

We as humans have this urge this need to live. This need to survive. We cannot live our life without this need, this urge to survive. Once it is gone there is no need for us to live anymore. Why are we here then? Needless to say not fearing death and not having the urge to live is two very different things. For me I do not fear death I will accept it when it comes. But I am fighting to live, I am clinging on for dear life to that urge to keep on living. I take every day as it comes and every second is a struggle, but from what I can see it is one living and fighting for.

I sit here tonight where I finally admitted my true fear, a fear to trust people well enough to just open up to them. A new but close friend told me to just take a leap of faith, but still I am not sure if I have the true courage to do that. Yet I will take my first leap and say I have a fear of trusting and a fear of myself; another leap I took was starting to write it opens my mind and let me get a better grip on that urge to live.

Let me know what your fear(s) is/are.

Facade are you strong enough to hold my secrets

“We can hide things, but cannot forget them.”

We all have our special collection of masks. We build them up through our life time. Every day we need to decide which mask which, façade will we wear today. We need to decide this wisely because this mask will hide the pain, secrets and thought you don’t want people to see.
In our everyday life we will stand by our door planning on facing the world and its problems it will through at you, before you step over the threshold you need to decide on the mask that will endure the day. Which will keep the things you try to hide hidden.
Some of us try to hide and mask our pain we are feeling so that people do not have to worry about us. Others try to hide the love they are feeling for their crush, because they are scared of rejection. Some also mask their feelings towards people so that they don’t have to confront the problems which can arise. We as people also wear our masks to hide our insecurities, because we are scared of others being disappointed. Some also wear masks to hide from the world to run away and not to face their inner struggles.
Sometimes even families will wear a mask to hide their problems and insecurities.
With all these masks we are wearing we are avoiding confrontation. By avoiding confrontation what will happen is the mask will start to crack at some point but we will have to replace or let someone in and trust them.
So now the question is what will happen when we take off our mask? Or even when we let in someone behind our façade? Or when someone sees beyond your façade?

“Sometimes it’s not the people that change. It is the mask that fall off.”

That moment when we let someone in to see what we have been hiding is the make or break point of our trust. The reason why I say trust is because here is where we will both take our masks off and let them see us flaws and all, or where we are forced to build a reinforced and stronger mask. When we let someone in we trust them with our pain, our flaws, our secrets. Our true self. They will either accept us or not, but their will come a time when we will have to do this, we will have to let someone in to share in our lives.
But then there comes the time when people see through our mask they see what really goes on under there. Now you have one of two options either find a way to hide it better by using a more improved mask. Or you can let them in, the same will be accounted for as mentioned above this is the make it or break it for your trust.
In the end their will come a time where will have to let someone in. Even if it happens involuntary, we have to let someone in. We have to share or we will break not only our masks but ourselves.